Finally blogging again.. at an ungodly time when i am supposed to sleep since I'll be working morning shift tml.. but well, such feeling/emotion doesn't as often these days.. =x

Have been really packed these mths.

With crazy working schedules, ministry commitments, and other random stuffs..

Sometimes i feel too bad that I don't have time for my parents at times, and time for myself when i can really have a proper 10-hour sleep. Yet, i really love my life right nw, though i know that I can do better in all these areas of my life..

So many things have happened within 6mths.. transferred frm cell to another.. doing more things for different aspects, working in different environments at times.. I used to think if i was able to handle all these.. but i did those things anyways, that sometimes i feel as though i was just going through the motions, doing what i am supposed to do. Finally, i feel that i am handling better - emotionally. But then again, there are so much more to get fixed up in my life… 

Things at work always don't seem that smooth sailing for me.. Esp just a few weeks back, it came to a point when i started to drag my feet to work, fear of seeing colleagues who don't seem to like me, to patients/relatives who always have loads of requests/enquiries/things that are super random.. There was even a point of time when I hated to go to work, felt angry at patients who needed a simple favor from me. At that point of time, i questioned myself.. "Why am i like this - so unloving?" I felt so drained out from all these things and felt like i couldn't love anymore.. I couldn't find a reason why I was still there, serving people and that felt so superficial. I felt like.. breaking down. "Karmen cant love anymore" was the first thought in my mind.. Started to be cold to the people around me i guess. 

Really broke down again.. that feeling was so scary..

Sometimes.. I cant even feel God's presence.. I know He is with me, I knw it.. But I just cant feel love anymore..so scary..

That was the "working aspect"..

After being in Gloria's cell for 3yrs2mths..I was finally out of it and went to a totally new environment.. Did struggle abit and decided to just follow what has been decided, turned out quite well… thought everything was fine, work seemed better, but that didnt remain long.. less than a mth.. proof… all those good feelings were gone.Went down down down again..and tt affected me too..Became someone closed up again, felt even worse..felt lost, like i cant find anyone with me.. until a time when i finally decided to go for make-up cell w Pst MJ. Pst and I had a chat about this.. and few weeks later..boom, i changed cell again.. But this time, it became better..opened up more.. and i realised something, i am happier and found that feeling of being belonged in something again..

And that actually brought me back to a thought that I have to restart everything again.. my passion for nursing and people, everything started to come back..

Got refreshed again..found things that I seemed to lose for the longest time…and i really cherish it.. 

Now, i really love my life though i have busy schedules like vocal classes, ministries, learning guitar once again frm one of my cell member, blah blah blah..

iDestinee.<3