Just feel like blasting my thoughts that have been there for the longest time.. "Why isit like that..?"

I don know since when. but somehow i cant really remember how to build relationships with friends.. its been awhile since i genuinely have a close friend who doesnt mind me rattling about anything under the Sun, at any time..

I dont feel lonely. Just felt abit weird. that everything has quieten down. I mean, i don want to have just a relationship with a guy. and that's it. i want to have relationship with people, with many many people. Really miss those times when i have loads of friends around me. When i was the one who keep quiet when people are so noisy, yet knowing I'll be there when they need me. When i don have to worry about who to turn to because people around me are there.

Of coz, i have to be around, to be there for people. Knowing what's up in their lives as they know mine. But somehow, felt that i am not really needed in anyone's life. Probably its because no one seem to trust me or turn to me whenever they need. Am i someone who is not trustworthy? Not anymore. This is something in my mind for don know how long ago..

Seeing people around me, seeing people being there for them, looking for them as a source of comfort, i start to wonder. Why am i not like that anymore..? Why?

Seriously, i am not comparing myself with others, nor am i feeling inferior about myself.. Just that reflection is something i will do every once in a short while, thinking and reflecting how my life has been.. and this is something that's in my mind..

Really cant stand this feeling.. of being someone who don seem to be "used" as a punching bag or one that someone people can turn to.

Am i not anymore?

If not,

Then why does it seem this way?

iDestinee.