His birthday..a day i was trying to avoid..really..

Went out with a few cell group members...

Supposed to be a evangelism outing.. to fellowship with one of the member's friend...

Original plan was to go to the Singapore Flyer.. which i really missed..

its a place that contains my happiest, as well as one of my most annoyed place..

Had a sudden urge to go..that's why i went to meet the people bahs..

Turned out that.. the person didnt come..

we went to another place..with 2 people going off to serve..

During that time, things cropped up at home...

mood changed..a feeling of being lonely and left out..

felt like going home suddenly..

yet, with a struggling thought to find him.. because its his birthday..

was really down..didnt know what to do..

where to go.. my mind wasnt settled then..it was whirling with doubts and confusion..

was really confused..

i wanted so much to go.. to pass him the present i prepared weeks ago..

to greet him a happy birthday.. i knew he will be expecting me there..

but really.. i didnt have the courage to face him.. to face his family..

But will he understand..?

Sometimes, i do feel lonely..

i feel like i am going to break down anytime..

yet, i didnt feel like going back..

i guess.. i really still need the time.. 

to find out and ask myself what i really want..

Thanks Kit and Gloria Goh for ur consistent presence when i needed someone.. to talk to me..

to cheer me up.. to make me not think of anything that will affect me.. to not say anything when i felt like crying.. 

Thanks!

I am still trying.. 

i have my own thoughts and agendas..

yet.. it seems like what i thought are all wrong..

cant i just have my own thinking..?

to know what i wan and how to lead my life?

i need some freedom now....

iDestinee.