Anyways.. i will need to blog abit about last year (2008)...

went for a few Christmas services, some with Baby..

Oh ya.. Sun was back with us during the Christmas season!!!!

on the last day (27 December 2008), i managed to take photos with her.. together with Baby and Jiahui..

was so happy la.. 

but i thought i wasnt too contented with just that.

Since.. i didnt really have the chance to make contact with her everytime she comes back to sg..

So i had this crazy idea of getting her signature on my handphone...

and i did it!!!

Baby got his mac signed 2 times also!!!!

but i guess.. my phone wasnt the best for those markers.. 

since the ink will start to go away.. so i think, i will just wait for the ink to fade away..

don worry, i have got photos for memorial purposes..

Next day was the time for Kong and Sun to go back to US.. (i think..)

wanted to send them off.. 

Were there early.. but went to T3 late..

So we ended there when they were already gone..

Was kinda disappointed though...

But yea.. was still really glad she came back for last Christmas... (:

Something about new year now..

Went to Esplanade for 2009 new year countdown..

Supposed to be a group of people, but in the end, there were only myself, Baby, jiahui and julia..

oh wells... i guess that was meant to be like this bahs..

were there since 4 plus.. all the way till midnight.. 

there was a couple... cantonese speaking people.. came at 9 plus..

Expecting us to put our bags on the floor just to give them space to sit on the benches...

and their attitude suck...

Especially the auntie.. she was complaining how we didnt give her seats and stuff...

Unreasonable..

Anyways.. something i feel on the second day of 2009..

Demoralized once again.. not appreciated.. etc...

Once again.. i feel as though..i have done nothing that is good..

or something that is worthy to be praised about..

like.. i have not done enough though i have tried my very best.

to me, its like 'Oh.. i cant be bothered if you have done anything well'

Sometimes.. there are thoughts that are quite negative..

Things like..,  "maybe i am not needed in this place..",  "maybe i cant do anything well here.."

Or maybe even.., "Well i just cant be bothered with you.. cause i simply don like you.."

Even since the changes, i couldnt feel as happy as i did the last time..

Doing things for the sake of doing.. 

even feeling lonely even though there are so many people around me...

Sometimes.. i just feel like i am suffocating in a place where i don know what i can do..

At least i used to know and be able to see what i can do...

or what i will be asked to do..

Now..?

not really.. or rather.. not at all...

Whether i am able to do the thing i wan, i might not be the one doing it.. 

and this is so tiring.. so stressed..

Its like.. frustrating...

Sometimes, iust prefer to be at Jurong West rather than Expo..

Sometimes i jus prefer to do other things that allows me to do what is related in my life right now...

Currently... there is no breakthroughs, no encouragement..

Sometimes.. no joy...

I feel stuck in this place..

I wan a place of peace and joy... 

At the same time, experiencing breakthroughs that allow me to grow stronger...

To receive the encouragement so that i can smile at the things i can struggling with...

To feel the joy i want when i am doing something that i may not like to..

To have the peace in my heart when i am wronged or accused.. or even when i don feel needed..

All i want is to serve Him better..

iDestinee.