Finally up for some updates..

haven been good these days.. for a few months already..

at least that's what i think..

Shall just update something about today before i go on to the rest of the things that have been bothering me..

Today.. something really cheered me up...

TWILIGHT!!!!!!!

Yes, i watched it just now..

have been waiting for almost a month!!!!

(ever since Apple got the trailer on it's website)

The movie was great.. since it had the most gorgeous male lead, Edward Cullen!

When he appeared, screams and giggles filled the place..

Just imagine the way you will/had reacted when u see your first love, or finally see the actor(s) that you really adore..

Yeah, that was the reaction of people then.

I was one of the not-so-exaggerating people.. 

But i admit that, though Roger was right beside me, my heart just melted like no one's business..

Yeah.. he was that gorgeous..

Just cant help but to look at his expression when his face is on the screen.. Hahas..

Some parts of the story was really sweet.. everything was really great..

(though it wasnt as great as i had imagined when i was reading the 1st book)

Some important parts werent in the movie, was sad though..

But the parts that are romantic, they are really romantic..

Almost touched to tears man.. lol.

I love the movie lor.. and i am sooooo gonna get the movie..

Even if i have to buy.. wahahas....

but yea.. it was like.. wah!!!!!!!!

not the best, but definitely good..

I LOVE EDWARD CULLEN!!!!!

Well, back to the things i mentioned just now..

its not just in one aspect in my life.. its almost everything..

Its only 2 aspects, but its almost everything in my life, not going to mention..

Yeah..but i guess its pretty much predictable..

in times when i am with either group of people, 

i feel that i am not welcomed.. that i am an outcast.

that doesnt make me feel sad.. 

but i think that.. i am not needed.. i am..invisible..

that i am.. one who doesnt need the attention i needed.

i am not one who like attention, but i cant stand the time when i am alone..

i am not strong enough to control my negative thoughts at times..

Sometimes, i also feel like.. i am not good enough in certain things bahs..

For chorus board, whenever i do something wrong, negative thoughts will come and demoralise me.. making me feel like running away from the place..

Sometimes i even feel very lonely...

Being one who hates to be accused, i get real pissed when someone do that to me...

especially when i didnt say anything or do anything, whether that fellow is trying to protect himself at the expense of others.

Seriously that is really selfish.

And if i get questioned by going an extra mile, i think.. i should just be selfish and be stuck with what i am supposed to do.

But seriously, i am not very fond of this kinda job.

i rather find something that i can do properly and benefit others as well..

Plus, i will not be accused in anyway when i know my conscience is clear.

And things i do will be appreciated.. and not be ignored.. 

As though i make a mistake so grave, and make me feel even more inferior when i am doing something i am not confident of.

And that reallised demoralise me to the max.

Yes, all these made me what i am now.

Roger made me tell him lor.. but yea.. i am feeling so much better as i start to let out all my troubles and concerns...

In addition of that, i watched TWILIGHT!

so yea.. so much better now.. 

Hopefully.. the Carmen that was once carefree and nice can be back again.. 

then again, HOPEFULLY..

iDestinee.