well..this new year seems bery bery boring for me..
beside all those fun with my family today,
everything seems very dull..

somehow i just felt very lost and empty..
very disturbed..
i guess some people will know what is it..
somehow..
i jus feel very disturbed and burdened..

i missed those times i would smile with all my heart..
but seems that certain things just stop me from tt..
since the day that things started to changed.
i seems "un-contented" about certain things..
things went worse on tuesday bahs..

one main reason why i cant enjoy myself during CNY..
some peeps should realize..
but things didnt changed..
maybe it might became worse..
make me dislike certain things..
make me lose my smile..

why am i lost?
i have not drift away from God..
nor most of my friends.. nor my family.
why am i not happy?
why am i not being myself anymore?

i dont like to be a fake person..
i dont like to act in front of peeps..
but somehow i have to..
to keep things to only certain peeps..
not being open..


i need my smile again..
i wana be myself again..
i wana be happy again..
i need to...
i dont wan to fake anymore!

Carmen-